Archive for the 'sin' Category

Dear Drugs: THANK YOU!! for a real good time..

Fact:

Without illegal drugs, my life, up till & including tonight, would have sucked toast. Way bogus. I mean bad; a total waste of time.

It would have all been so stupid!!

Shit yes. I have problems. My life has been hard. But when I’ve needed them drugs have been there for me. When I had nowhere else to turn it was drugs that saved the day.

Even when my life sucks directly because of drugs it still beats the sad crap out of how bad life would suck with no drugs at all. I will go so far as to say I feel certain I would’ve killed myself long ago if the drugs weren’t on my side.

Why? Because drugs gave me something to live for. A reason to stay awake for another day & night when the sun comes up each morning. Yeah & you know what?

Drugs give me Hope!

Mostly they’ve helped me celebrate life with people I love. I am going to die one day. When I do I’ll look back over this 1 & 3/4 decades-long drug binge and congratulate myself for a job smashingly well done. Yeppers kiddoz! My first hit of weed was the smartest choice I ever made. Until I finally got to check out some of that L$D!!

And when you go without food — due to smoldering abject poverty — for a day or few you will thank Adolph Hitler, Sweet Mother Earth and maybe even Jesus — that evil cocksucker — for all the amphetamines.

So thanks again drugs. Just sorry you had to wear off so soon. Ya’ll come back now y’hear!

Ok. Off to sleep.

NOT!!

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Healthy Competition

A couple of my blog-peeps have written quality shit about sin this holiday season. One, Galloway, confessed his to God. The other — Gonzo compadre FatSavage — cavorted with the devil to measure his own capacity for wrongdoing.

In the midst of a human species bent on self-extermination — with all that’s cruelly fucked in the world today — ain’t it sweet when you get a good bit of news?

All FatSavage sin systems: Go!

The man is spectacularly derelict enough to fit right in with the rest of you speedWay hoodlums. Dig:

Pride is excessive belief in one’s own abilities. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity. Hell I got that knocked. You can’t even want to be a gonzo writer without pride.

Gluttony
is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires. I did not get to be the Fat Savage by missing this sin.

Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body. Anyone who read my first blog knows I am a world class sex maniac who learned to fuck from every conceivable positions so I could keep on fucking up to a BMI (Body Mass Index) of 40. When I got To Too Fat To Fuck, I invented the Fat Savage Diet so I could get back in shape to fuck some more.

May I suggest Dextroamphetamine?

dexyc.jpg

Frikkin-a yes: mix some drugs in your sin blender!

If I’ve said it once I swear I said it a thousand times: If you can’t be a self sacrificing aesthetic saint, you may as well be a perfect sinner. If you’re gonna burn in hell for eternity for one sin, you may as well burn for repeated occurrences of all of them.

Galloway quit drugs a while back. Now he does other things for fun.

Dig:

“Forgive me Father,’ He begs, ‘For I have sinned.

I have cheated those to whom I owe tax and over-taxed those who owe tax to me;

I have pan-handled and swindled and hustled and wasted the fruits of my endeavours;

I have been unfaithful to my wife and blinded my eyes to her infidelities;

I have entertained wicked thoughts regarding my animals and have occasionally kicked the cat (affectionately);

I have no visible means of support and yet remain solvent in an arrogantly upright and wickedly handsome manner;

I disrespect my natural talents and stubbornly refuse to exploit them and…

last night I viewed an illegal copy of Borat ,that I didn’t even pay for, and fell asleep.”

By morning Galloway was bored with Him. So he told God to blow it out his ass & ducked off for the pub. Spipped a large breakfast Irish. Got bored again. Blew half the barkeep’s face off with a Kill-o-Zap blaster when the barkeep incorrectly assumed Galloway was in the mood to pay for his beers.

Then left the Kill-o-Zap blaster on the bar & disappeared behind a twist in the wallpaper.

Well then. Smoke a fat hit of crack & diddle the virgin mary — those are some pretty good sins! Classy & rude & proud for it; you both set a fine example for Youth.

Begs a Question: one that needs help from my readers — foremost experts on the matter — to answer.

Whose sins are better?