I’m Proud Of Me.

Tonight I took just enough pills to cause me to hit the drive-through at Wendy’s. Order for Absynth Eve & me. Drive to the second window. Pay. Get change back from my $20. Drive off & tool oh I’d say a good ten miles down the road. When Absynth Eve grew acutely panicked when she could not immediately locate her Frosty root beer float.

“It’s around somewhere dude.” I assured her. And hoped that somewhere was easily accessible — since Absynth Eve & I live in her car amongst many of her’s and all of my own — albeit very few — worldly possesions, those lost Frosty root beer floats have been known to take literally days to dig for & locate. I hoped for the best. But was on balance not overly concerned. As I reached, with supreme confidence, to the mid console cup holder where my own Frosty root beer float had every reason to be.

By now we’d driven at least another mile or so.

“What’d you do with my Frosty root beer float?” I asked suspiciously. And wished suddenly that I’d got a different kind of Frosty float — orange soda maybe — than my friend’s. Whom I carelessly assumed had taken unfair possession of mine after she’d lost her own. Of course she did. Must have. Then where was mine?? Yeah I bet she don’t know. Where else would it be? In all realms of possibility nowhere. But could I prove it? Nope.

Same damn float.

Another mile.

“Did I forget the floats?” I asked incredulously. “Are you completely shitting me? Fuck I wanted one.”

“Wanted? Oh fuck no.” Absynth Eve corrected me sternly. “I will have one. You have to go back!”

“Just for the floats?”

“Just for the floats — it’s all for the floats. That ratty cheeseburger I really do need to eat so I don’t die was just an excuse to pull in & get me a Frosty root beer float!!”

It really was about that fucked up with the eating thing; where some 99 cent Wendy’s pretenda-bacon cheeseburger was our long sought nutrient level salvation from late-stage poverty induced starvation. But would we have gone back for them? Probably not. Think of the gasoline we’ll waste and besides — what Counts are the root beer float Frosties.

Those are what we use to ward off the depression you get from living in a Toyota Echo.

Serious business.

Abandon the Frosties? Can’t happen.

No indeed.

But you can it turns out drive off & plumb forgot the burgers along with the Frosties & fries — the whole damn order in fact. And not realize it until you’ve tooled a good 15 miles along. It can happen. But only under special chemically adjusted circumstances.

You have to pop enough pills to really space way out, man! A right proper amount. And tonight well by golly — I DID!!

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1 Response to “I’m Proud Of Me.”


  1. 1 mg right there with you July 26, 2007 at 10:30 pm

    Fucken loved it. I along with my own partner in crime witnessed you from the Dunkin Donuts parking lot right next door. And as we waited for our ice coffees at the drive thru I knew exactly what was going on in your car because I was doing the same thing you two were. Drivin’ around on a perfect amount of way too many pills of different central nervous system actions. Talk about spaced out man, we were right there with you pharmacologically. And like you, WE WERE HAVING THE BEST FUCKING TIME OF OUR LIFE.I’m talking fully untethered space walk, without a net. Freaky cool shit. Don’t forget to look at your hands. Weird, huh?


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