Synchronicity In Drunken Motion

I have a friend. speedWay readers know her by the moniker Absynth Eve. My friends in Vermont know who I mean. But seem to not understand why me & Absynth Eve hang out.

Absynth Eve is my friend.

My old friend; we met in 1994. I was selling beer & Jagermiester shots from a cooler on the sidewalk in front of the Burger King adjacent to the Glenn’s Falls Civic Center arena in upstate New York.

It rained torrential that Halloween night. But I was sheltered by the part of Burger King’s roof that hung out over their sidewalk. The Burger King management had seemingly no qualm with the unlicensed vendor who boisterously hawked booze on their premises. They were too over run with their own customers to care.

A giant digital clock above us kept revelers assiduously aware of the time. The revelers were duly appreciative; lest we become inadvertently too drunk or stoned or spun kookie on shrooms to keep track of the time for ourselves.

Phish would play at 9PM sharp. And it would be legendary. So no one wanted to miss even the first notes of the gig.

Sometime after dark — maybe around 7 — a young lady approached me. She was soaking wet and looked a bit shaken.

“Everything OK?” I asked.

“No!” She explained. “I just got into a car accident!”

“Oh shit. Were you drunk?” I queried.

“Shit yes I was.” She assured me. “Good thing I wasn’t actually driving!”

“No kidding.” I agreed. “I try not to drive drunk. Though I do so enjoy a cold behind-the-wheel brew!”

“Me too.” My new friend winked. “Except I like to have a beer in one hand & a shot in the other. You know. Smoke a joint maybe & pop a few shrooms. Steer with my knees…Which is exactly what I was just now up to. But someone crashed in to me! What should I do?”

Like is this girl for real? I wanted to know.

“Hold on!” I protested what appeared a hole in her story. “You said you weren’t driving.”

“Not actually driving.” She corrected me. “I was in the drivers seat. Beer. Shot. Bong hit. Popped a couple shrooms. Dig? All of the sudden I needed to use my knees to steer because my hands were full and — even though the car was parked — the shrooms made it go vroom!”

Ah yes. I could see it happening.

“Shit girl.” My voice filled with admiration. “You got so lit up that you crashed your parked car?? That is WAY cool!”

I gave her a beer and a shot. And — having been slooped on booze myself at the time — forgot about the whole encounter. Until a half-decade later. When I made a new friend at the Bar back home in Loserboro, Vermont. We chatted about some things and got drunk. At some point I mentioned something about the time I sold beer in the rain outside the Burger King at the ’94 Halloween Phish show.

“Underneath the huge clock?” Absynth Eve asked, eyes widened with surprise.

“Yeah. Right there beneath the clock. Freezing cold out, but no one gave a fuck. The beer business boomed. Oh yeah,” I added. “I sold liquor too.”

“Jagermiester?” Sophie asked.

“How did you know?”

“You gave me a shot.”

“No shit?”

I wasn’t surprised. I’m not shall we say profit savvy with fun things. I like to give fun things away.

“No shit.” Said Absynth Eve at the Bar in Loserboro while we chatted & got drunk when we thought we’d first met back in 1999. “Don’t you remember me?”

I wanted to. It’s always good to remember things about a new lady friend like their names and when you first met. I strained mentally until the words flew like snarfed beer from my mouth:

Oh shit, I exclaimed. “You’re the girl who crashed her parked car!! Yo I got mad respect for you.”

It was all over after that. In the near-decade that has passed we have been some things. Tremendous allies. Near mortal enemies. Fuck buddies. Ex fiances. Sages. Fools. Healthy advesaries. Petty rivals.

Kindred spirits.

Partners in the crime of survival.


To this day & always.

And if you don’t like it you can KISS my fat black ass.

Bur probably you won’t get the chance; you probably won’t see me around.

11 Responses to “Synchronicity In Drunken Motion”

  1. 1 othersideofthemirror July 10, 2007 at 11:56 pm

    fat black ass
    my ass
    you bony white ass
    welcome back
    let the games

  2. 3 MG Pucker up July 12, 2007 at 10:05 pm

    Yo if I happen to see you around, and somehow caught up to you I’d consider kissing your black ass. ( the no-touching rule obviously in full effect). No offense however I would much rather kiss the chick
    that crashed her parked car than your bony ass anyday.Because, and I know you will raise your glass with me on this one, AbsynthEve has much softer skin,And,she’s a girl. She can sometimes annoy the shit out of me like nobody else can, but I’ll love her completely for so many reasons until the day I day. I have no choice in the matter, it’s just who she is to me. Right now I can’t fucking stand her, yet the place in my heart that she dwells is always strong and present and I’m so happy to have her in my life for always. Who the fuck can have a problem with what values other folks consider important in a friend? I don’t believe judgment should be passed when one actually has no fucking idea what actually goes on in said judged situations. Why all the judgements everyone?

  3. 4 Mike E July 12, 2007 at 10:32 pm

    Thanks tank. I quote Phil Lesh:

    Forgiveness is the key to every door.

    Now if that ain’t true the Grateful Dead didn’t mean a god damn thing.

    Tired, Galloway? Well eat some speed & pay fucking attention. This by leaps is the most cathartic thing I’ve ever written. If you — or anyone — doesn’t Get It I’ll gladly entertain questions.

    And if you don’t know what to do go on & ask an Older Deadhead.

    See ya’ll at Alpine Valley!

  4. 5 sporz July 13, 2007 at 6:12 pm

    Hey man!! How goes it? I don’t get the feeling that this blog is trying to impress anyone, so, when people type in competitive one-word commentary, that obviously reflects thier own lack of satisfaction with themselvs, I would just chuckle and keep expressing.. It reminds me of being at music school. All of these guys have an idea of what “good music” is and because of the bonification of certian academic circles, they feel, through reinforcement, that they are some sort of authority on somthing.. Just learn to play your instrument Galoway, and you would be happier.. That is all. Diffrent people make diffrent music.. Ahhh yes, the piano and the typewriter are very similar.

  5. 6 Mike E July 13, 2007 at 6:27 pm

    Great advice sporz. All too true. Trouble is this Galloway character is no random heckler. He is my oldest & in many was my favorite blog Custie. Galloway is my friend.

    He will tell me what he thinks & sometimes is a bit uppity & crass but that comment up there is rude. And Galloway is never like that.

    Heads up speedWay readers: we have in our midst an impostor of some sort.

    Most likely a Nark.

  6. 8 durwood July 18, 2007 at 10:16 am

    I know why you hang out with absintheve





  7. 9 DEXterity July 18, 2007 at 8:10 pm

    Jealousy, Mike E. it seems that people are taken for a loop for her pressured speech, something she cannot control and in some people’s eyes she interferes with their demand for your attention, At least she isn’t floridly psychotic and believing that the CIA has telepathic detectives inserting thoughts into her brain. The point is… Fuck other people and if either of you two were victims of psychotic verbal rage, please understand it wasn’t intentional and I apologize for it because it isn’t an excuse. You both are wonderful people with big hearts and so what if you’re misunderstood. Absintheve has a lot to say… bottom line.

  8. 10 absintheve July 24, 2007 at 8:04 am

    So do I really have the floor….well now….
    I tell it like it is…I like this story alot…Mike to this day doesnt really remember this…
    But it is alot like my life …
    My car was actually in a parking spot…(still is)
    (okay it was a one eye open one eye closed…i am in england kind of parking job …)
    we were taking a break from slaving over our grilled cheeze on the lot venture …
    We had to take a short break after my brother realized that we had left all the plastic on the first batch of the government grade sliced orange cheeze…
    and of course then to eat something a little less stringy…
    some more of THE magic mushrooms and some more of THE pot….as my mother would call it….
    ..I think this was all hours before the Halloween show where PHISH played The Beatles White Album…
    the high point in my brainzees was Dear prudence and also was when some idiot backed down a row of cars only to be stopped by yours truly…and to get free shots off Yager…and to have the first normal conversation…I had had in years…
    So where I was sitting on the drivers side….of my car…(although I do not think I was driving…)
    I just remember someone kept saying “Quick Hurry up and smoke that Sophie…”and a
    “i see a car coming your way….No way….Dude…he’s not going to do it…he’s not going to do it…dude doesnt he see us sitting here?…”
    “We are trying to catch a buzz in a fully parked car”…I vaguely remember thinking maybe I should pull on the emergency break it seems like an emergency…..although I do not think my car wasnt rolling….and also looking out the front windsheild at the cars facing us…they coud all be moving….Or maybe it was just me…. I needed a stiff drink!!
    And Quickly!!!
    Then there was a humungous….BANG!!!
    “He Hit us!!!” My brother yelled
    …It sounded like a gun shot…to me…
    Who hit us?….I thought out loud…..and as i turned to get out i realized there was a car attached to my door…What the fuck dude was going on……I need some air….
    Then there it was out of no where…..
    an answer came in an angelic voice above all the commotion …..
    “….Get your ice cold Yager Shots!!! C’mon folks…..Shots….Yager …..YAAAAGGGGERRRR…. SHOTS!!!”
    I remember sloshing over to the Burger King with one birkenstock sandal on……who..I thought I remembered vagualy someone walking off with the other one hours ago…could have been months…didnt they say they would bring it back…I thought Who….. Whose got one shoe?
    I was parched…Who? I muttered…
    Who is going to hit Who? Whose got me a Yager Shot…It is you!!
    I heard my own voice in the distance yelling
    And Who are You?..
    And Thats when I met my friend Mikee…
    And thats what happenned to me…
    what’s all your exuses?Tee Hee
    Blackbird singing in the dead of night
    Take these broken wings and learn to fly
    All you life
    you were only waiting for this moment to arrive….
    blackbird Fly…
    Into the Dark of the deep black sky!!!
    You were only waiting for this moment..
    To be free!!!

    I would like to say I do not mind being MikeE’s scapegoat…
    But as Mikee’s friend I would like to say that mikee hangs out with who he wants when he wants to….
    Give the dude some credit….
    He is a stubborn mother fucker…
    So if you havent hung out with him in a while…
    … it might be your problem not mine….
    Cause you can say a lot of shit about me…I talk to much…etc..
    but you all might be the most annoying mother fuckers in the world and if you know me at all you know this I still love you all..
    So go ahead… annoy the shit out of me….
    but I aint got nothing but love….kisses…hugs..for all y’all…

  9. 11 Mike E July 24, 2007 at 8:17 am

    & there you have it: now you Know.

    A few fantastic reasons why I will never have a another real gangsta ass Custie friend like Absynth Eve.

    To Guinness By Night..


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