the Way Poser Rock & Roll Party Foul

I went to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame once. Because it was there. In Cleavland. And so was I — with a bunch of hours to spare. Spare? Who am I kidding! We were in Cleavland for fuck’s sake. Before noon in November ’97. Gray bluster-raw chilly outside to boot. Waiting for night to roll around. Then we’d go see Phish play.

With sincere apologies to Milo the phantom watch dog — we had time to kill.

I didn’t want to go to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. I remember thinking that it’d be a big building full of cheesebag bull. I think my main beef with the plan was financial; the price of admission would deplete the funds I’d set aside to buy lunch later that day at Taco Bell. But the dude whose car I caught a ride to Cleavland with from the show the night before was hellbent. Had to go. Oh well I thought. Screw it. I’ll take a nap in the car.

YEAH! Fuck museums. My bitch ass is Rock & Roll!!

As we turned into the Hall of Fame parking lot I was forced to issue a profound mea culpa. And that’s rare; I am absolutely never wrong. But there it was: a giant banner that advertised the current Hall of Fame display.

It said:

I WANT TO TAKE YOU HIGHER!! the psychedelic 60’s.

To that I had just one word to say: most!!


“I could,” I reasoned objectively, “Try to catch up on lunch in a day or so.”

As I approached the building, though, I noticed the entrance to the museum was left largely unguarded. So I folded my $5 back into my pocket and slipped into the joint for free.

Yeah. Because my bitch ass is rock & roll. Unlike this dumb Joker:


I’ve never particularly been a Van Halen fan. But I have noticed, when their songs come on the radio, that many notes are played in rapid succession on the lead guitar. Some consider Eddie Van Halen a legendary guitar player. I don’t really care. Just happens to be that that’s why he was due to be inducted into the Rock & Roll hall of fame last night.

And here’s why they should throw his ass out:

The dude skipped his own induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Not by itself a damnable offense; Jerry Garcia skipped his Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction. Presumably because he was too far gone on drugs to care.

I respect that.

This Eddie Van Halen charactor, on the other hand, skipped the party in his honor for the very worst of all possible reasons, ever.

He checked into rehab last night.

That no-good dog slut pansy!

The Rock & Roll Gods are grievously offended.

Burn in Hell Eddie!!


8 Responses to “the Way Poser Rock & Roll Party Foul”

  1. 1 Sporz March 11, 2007 at 5:06 am

    That’s weak man. AT LEAST keep gettin fucked up till the awards are over. Theres plenty o shit he coulda got his hands on to straighten his ass out. I mean, all you gotta do is sit there and be gratefull. Right, or, get roasted in front of a bunch of people. Is there not a better way to get roasted in front of people than to actually BE ROASTED in front of people?! Then your workin’ the double-roast. Get done on both sides. Extra crispey, plump and tender juicey, ready for his 90 in 90. I guess not… huh

  2. 2 Sporz March 11, 2007 at 5:18 am

    (Assuming that he was on his last leg)
    I mean, it’s the ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME. It’s not a job interview. It’s OK to be shot out.. Iv’e showed up for some pretty demanding shit after punnishing myself (with a capital P), and I tell ya, it is a wonder what a couple of simple remedies will do. Of course I am assuming that he was at the end of some type of line, but it would indeed be very sad if he wasn’t even fucked up, and just had to go to some meetings. That would be corney. Thats like ROCK & ROLL, except ROCK is like rocking in a rocking chair, and ROLL is like rolling around on your walker. Bogus dude.

  3. 3 pippi March 11, 2007 at 9:57 am

    Rehab is for quitters.
    Moreover, rehab killed Jerry.
    I’m never going to rehab again!

  4. 4 citizen j March 13, 2007 at 5:15 am

    Edie VanHagenDork was/is a reverse transvestyte and “eruption” is/was all that rock should never roll.

    ps: Milo sez “wassup!”

  5. 5 galloway March 13, 2007 at 6:13 pm

    Rehab? I don’t think so.

    My soul-mate Amy says this

  6. 6 galloway March 13, 2007 at 6:22 pm

    Hey, citizen j, small world, isn’t it?

  7. 7 Mike E March 14, 2007 at 7:05 pm

    Sporz: You speak my mind precisely. In fact, I believe I have seen you off to some pretty demanding shit after some serious Punishment — like that one Christmas morning…

    Pippi: Indeed. Rehab did kill Jerry — let that be a Message to the Youth!

    Citizen J: great site, thanks for hanging around the speedWay.

    Galloway: Rehab makes me angry.

    Peace ya’ll.

  8. 8 tanked full of something March 23, 2007 at 9:43 am

    As I recall, Garcia did skip the induction ceremony, and sent a life size cardboard cutout of himself instead that stood onstage with the other boys as the award was being presented. Now that is rock’n’roll. He didn’t hit rehab until it was time to die

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