Fuckin OZZY dudes!

Hang On to your open containers kiddoz!

BIG NEWS:

OzzFest ’07 is free.

Yeah & ya know what? I’m so there dudes!!

& we’re flying high again

To think! Just days ago Michael over @ Algorhythms & I pulled the plug, as it were, on the rock & roll fantasy. Arena rock, we reckoned, was in a persistent vegetative state; not precisely dead but it smelled funny.

“Barring a miracle,” Michael lamented in a recent post, after he shelled $200 to see his favorite 70’s rocker band, “the next time I hear Old Time Rock & Roll in concert, it’ll be a bar band playing it.”

Concurred. “The rock & roll wave,” I waxed in epitaph, “That swelled beneath the Stones & Beatles — and crested smashingly halfway through track 11 on Paul’s Boutique — has broke & rolled back for good.”

Barring a Miracle.

Indeed.

The wave breaks both ways.

The Prince of Darkness works miracles. Amphetamines cure hyperactivity.

The world is topsy turvy. What can I say?

Fuckin Ozzy!

I used to sneak into Phish concerts most nights every week. Stand in the crowd. Mill forward. Find someone skinny. Hover, nonchalant, until the moment they hand their ticket to the taker then slip, eyes-first, in behind them.

Reappear inside the concert hall. Dance ferociously.

2 easy!

One time I got caught by the ticket dwark. He grabbed my arm but I didn’t stop. He pursued. Caught me — a few crucial feet from his post. Several fellow ticketless patrons shrug-shoulder strolled through the unattended hole in the dwark-gate. When the dwark turned to chase them — futilely — he promptly lost track of me.

A higher than drugs moment; or I should say higher than the drugs alone could take me. I thought I was so cool. A hero.

Like Ozzy.

Dudes!!

Or is the Ozz-man sneaking everyone into OzzFest so he can be cool like me?

I bet he’s doing it for that stupendously higher-than-drugs feeling.

Also because OzzFest ’07 will, for all involved, be a positively devastating big money smash.

Free OzzFest is like if you want to have a Huge Disco Kegger of some kind. And Pabst Blue Ribbon provides the keg, party gratis, plus pays $1000 cash for the privilege. For Promo. Dig? A chance to market their beer directly to the people most likely to drink it.

Free Beer Courtesy of Pabst Blue Ribbon. PBR is yo’Daddy! Who’s yo’Daddy?

Provide Fun Fuel to a bunch of Fun Fools and they’ll reciprocate briskly. A genuine gratitude will drive them to drink! Benders will be embarked on. Jobs lost. They will buy & drink Pabst Blue Ribbon beer in the morning. Best of all: they’ll apply peer pressure and buy more for friends who’ll be drunk on PBR before noon despite their gravest misgivings.

That’s what OzzFest’s sponsors intend. Fun is the strategy. The sponsors will tell you they are so cool because they paid for your good time. You will agree. 2 cool!! Free Ozzy??

Awesome.

Festival patrons will reciprocate briskly with their discretionary funds. Seek to spend, post-festival, just to say thanks! Dudes. For a real good time. I buy fun things. What do you sell that’s fun?

Yeah. Like:

badvertisements! Powered by Ozzysense.

One wonders about the role dynamics between Ozzy & his wife Sharon played in the business model’s development. I am a terrific admirer of this scheme. I say again: one wonders. Yeah, wonder. Like wowzers dudes! Whoever swung the brainwork on this job: you’re my hero.

Should win the Nobel Prize for Economics.

Very exciting. Thank yooz!

Now I’m goin off the Rail like
a crazy train
I’m more addicted than Jane!!
& when I say
I’m Ok ya know they LOOK’et me kinda strange!
Cause I’m goin off the rail like a crazy train