HUGE. next level huge

I started to write for audiences in earnest back in 1999. So 8 years. Just under a decade. My goal this whole while: Bust chuckles.

I always think what I write is the funniest thing since me & MG TANK stole that Cadillac convertible and drove it into a swimming pool in what appeared to be Atlantic City. But that’s another story.

I’m not sure if readers share in my giggle fits over every word I write. I like to think so — but by the end of a 70-odd sleepless hour mixed-salt amphetamine binge I really don’t give a hoot. I like to laugh. And my witty snips crack me the fuck up. My hammer-sledge one line funny smack-downs barrel blast my skinny ass to the floor.

Ya know what? My life sucks. I’ve been raped by men & beaten by women. My teeth are two-thirds rotted out of my head. I am intractably unemployable. Been homeless for over a decade of my adult life. Two and one half years — my longest run ever — this time around.

Yep. I’ve said it before and I say it once more: It sucks to be me.

But so what?

I get to write about whatever I want for no reason at all other than to make myself laugh. What luck. I’d be dead if it weren’t for that. No shit.

Die or laugh. Those are the two real choices I’m posed with most days. Laugh or die.

Today I had a third choice. Die. Laugh. Or bask in my greatest to-date literary accomplishment. 8 long years in the making. A pinnacle moment; truly the feat I’ve strove for the long while; since I bought my first lap-top after I made $10,000 cash in a weekend selling freeze-dry alien turds at Woodstock ’99. Another different story. One of my all time favorites though!!

This is the story about one thing my writing — a pro chuckle extractor testament — had yet to do. Until last night that is. The very first time ever that a reader has…

…In his own words (left as a [perfectly smashing] comment to the previous post):

Jay Logic Feb 5th, 2007 at 10:28 pm

Brilliant! I just laughed a piping hot Vanilla latte out of my nose, and all over my girlfriend’s computer monitor!”

I am shit-tickle happy. One of those moments, when I read that, where I could genuinely say “Well Hot Damn — it rocks being Mike E!!

In all these years of finger-tips ground tenaciously into my own little world that lives inside my computer’s keys — listening for the secret to make people laugh so hard they fall down — I have never once, until yesterday, caused a reader to Snarf.

Happy Snarf Day To Me! Happy Snarf Day To Me!!!

No but seriously. I hope it was awesome dude! To celebrate: Jay Logic gets to be the first ever open container speedWay blog Reader of the Week!

It & 3 bucks will get you a Bud Draft or 20 MG’z of addaboyz or a pouch of Top Menthol rolling tobacco!

Well congrat-ya-fucking lations!! You came to the right speedWay.

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3 Responses to “HUGE. next level huge”


  1. 1 AuntJackie February 7, 2007 at 9:47 am

    Hmmmm, well Gratz and that’s very cool man… Thanks, however for reminding me that 1999 was nearly 10 years ago though. I’m sobbing in my soup now. 🙂

  2. 2 Michael Witthaus February 7, 2007 at 11:08 pm

    1999 – glad someone got rich at Woodstock on something other than bottled water. My question – did that shit give you a buzz?

    Hey, no matter how bad it gets, at least you’ve got a Net connection. Beyond that is rock bottom, eh?

  3. 3 Mike E February 8, 2007 at 12:49 am

    Hey, no matter how bad it gets, at least you’ve got a Net connection. Beyond that is rock bottom, eh?

    That is the fucking truth dude.

    I was between lap-tops for a torturous while a couple years back. Not funnY! A grave danger was posed to my sanity; it was all in all a genuinely pitiful time to be Mike E.

    My new lap-top changed everything.


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