3 Honky yahooz & One Loose Tampon & a half-pill of Speed

Who here likes a Good Dope Deal?

Like,, the ones that rule so hard it’s Freaky. The ones you still talk about to this day. They’ll give you a shit eating grin on your deathbed. And your loved ones will grin one of their own behind tears wept at your grave.

You know the kind I mean. Where Honky 1 wants speed but his lady friend gave him money for pot & tampons. Honky 2 has speed but he needs money. Honky 3 has weed & money.

Some dope deals are like a tug of war. I have pushed & pulled. I’ve suffered my confidence crisis that leave a strip-mined taste in the soul when I thought I’d not get enough.

I’ve been wrong. But not Guilty.

If I’ve ever run a deliberate, personal burn I don’t recall it. If anyone remembers better I’d be grateful to know.

So what does Honky 3 need?

Honky 3 needs to get his ex-lady friend’s Naturacare tampons out of the trunk.

‘You got the natural ones in your trunk?!’ Honky 1 is astonished.

He now has 6 bucks freed up for speed. Plus $40 for a sack. And half a mind to make that $40 a $20 and buy Honky 2 out of pills. Would she notice?

Honky 2 has speed plus six bucks earned from two pills sold to Honky 1. Honky 1 offers to trade him a single tampon for another.

The three Honkiez rolled out funny tears from laughing.

‘Half a speed pill.’ Honky 2 bargained.

Honky 1 deftly received the tentatively offered pill and swallowed inside of a heartbeat’s time. Whole, no chaser. Lest Honky 2 change his mind.

Honky 1 broke the stunned silence. ‘Dude!’ He goes, ‘You just traded me Speed for a…tampon!’

‘You guys are Homos!’ Honky 3 declared. Turned on the car & packed a bowl.

Honky 2 turned on the radio. Cranked it when he heard the song. It was Lynard Skynard

They drove along the country road. Windows wide, as southern blanched rockabilly crackled like moonshine in a campfire through the frigid clear-winter night. And the 3 Honkiez bust loose & sing it. With all their considerable shake fist right-to-party Might.

Sweet Home Alabama
Oh sweet home!
Where the Skies are So blue.
& the governor’s TRUE!

Sweet Home Alabama


Here I come. Alabama!

Then Honky 2 did the guitar solo. Honky 3 drove & thought awhile. Honky 1 stared out the window & drooled.

‘You know what?’ Honky 2 broke the silence. ‘Honkette 1 told me last night she has percaset to trade for Adderall.’

‘Right now?’ Honky 3’s voice rang like a money bell.


‘You got speed?’


‘I’ll buy it all.’

’30 bucks.’

Honky 3 reached over and slipped unnoticed 30$ from the $40 held loosely in Honky 1’s hand. He put the bag of pot in its place. Honky 1 unpeeled his right eye from the passenger window. Reached his mouth forward and managed to light the long-forgotten weed-pipe.

Honky 2 counted his money & began to recite a long forgotten poem. Everyone laughed & everyone grinned.

Honky 1 tossed a weed-nugget to Honky 2. Noticed he still had ten dollars. It made no sense because Honky 1 never had money left at the end of these things.

‘You owe me 10 bucks.’ Honkey Yahoo 3 said. ‘Pay me whenever.’

‘Sweet!’ Exclaimed Honky Yahoo 1. He made a vague plan to remember something about how the next day he should eat. Strapped on his seatbelt — a standard precaution during synaptic race-rocket ignition. A weird echo-mutation of a childhood poem sing-sang through his head.

I will not play Tug-Drug war.

Instead I play Drug Hug war

I play it with Zeal

It’s got sex appeal!

Who here loves

A good Dope DEAL?!

(crowd goes wild)

Where everyone laughs

& Everyone Grins

And we’re all in the bathtub now making Bathtub Gin!

See you dudes on Pluto! Remember:

We’re far greater than the sum of our parts whenever Everyone Wins

2 Responses to “3 Honky yahooz & One Loose Tampon & a half-pill of Speed”

  1. 1 xela December 4, 2006 at 7:17 am

    Can i just say that i love the new terminology for the women folk that hang with honkeys like ya’ll; Honkettes! That is a granule of folkspeak courtesy of the Tobinator (A.K.A Mike e, the psychedelic funk relic.)
    Over & Out

  2. 2 Mike E December 4, 2006 at 1:02 pm

    Hell, I did call ’em Honkettes didn’t I — I forgot (along with most of what I wrote in this one). Surprise even myself sometimes…

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