Last Minute Election Notes

It was the so-called Super Sunday on VT Public TV today. They had debates between gubernatorial and Vermont congressional delegation hopefuls — 4 debates total, all lined up in a row.

Big election on Tuesday, here in the United States. I have mixed feelings about it. Pending the outcome, life could suck rotten eggs. On the other hand it could suck a pig’s dick. And I must choose…because as a citizen in this democracy I am Accountable for what results. Unless I don’t vote.

Then I’ll be at Fault.

I swear sometimes I’m like ‘fuck Democracy!’ We have to do this every two years?? Jeez. Even though I always vote, I understand why 50% of Americans don’t.

Anyone I ever vote for (rare exception: Jim Jeffords in ’00) is bound to be some wet-bag Hosehead who loses. Like John Kerry — boy did I feel dumb rooting him on, only to watch him miserably lose an election a left-over cheese pizza slice could’ve run away with.

Anyone out there ever smoke crack? If you haven’t, don’t. Here’s why:

The shit don’t get you High. It does a little something real fast that vaguely tingles. Then you feel like such a pitiful asshole that you must have more.

And you get a a bigger rush handing over $20 for another rock than you’ll ever get from smoking the wretched thing.

That’s kind of how it feels to avidly participate in our so-called Democracy. You know it’ll suck afterwards but you do it anyway — and once your Hooked you anticipate it. Obsess for it.

‘So who do you think’s gonna win in ’08?’ A friend at the Bar asked me, while we watched Kerry concede on the TV in ’04.

‘I don’t think there’ll be an election in ’08.’ I answered hopelessly.

‘Me neither.’

‘I hope not — I’m done with this Honky Bull!’

I said that. But it’s not true. That’d be like a crack head on his way to their dealer saying ‘I hope he doesn’t have any more — I’m DONE with it!’

You can say it & mean it but it’s a lie and you know it. You want another hit of crack for the same reason I want there to be another presidential election. I think it’ll Help — even though I know better.

That’s why I don’t smoke Crack — unless someone gives it to me for Free. Same goes for Voting — which I’ll do tomorrow. But the day they make me pay $20 for the privilege you can can that shit.

Dig?

Moreover, the day someone pays me for the privilege — they can have that shit. It’s for sale.

‘So,’ Absinthe Eve asked while we watched the governor’s debate, ‘Who are you going to vote for?’

‘I don’t know.’ I said. None of the candidates impressed me specifically.

Absinthe Eve is from England. She’s lived in the States since she was 11 but has wisely kept her British citizenship & passport — so despite living here two-thirds of her life, she can’t vote.

‘Will you vote for who I want you to vote for?’ She asked.

‘No.’

‘I’ll give you a Morphine!’

Ah?

Hell yes — for her own good. My friend has never even voted in a US election. The poor girl has lived in this dumb country for 20 years! Isn’t it time she had the pleasure?

‘You want to trade me a morphine for my vote for Vermont Governor??’

‘Yep!’

‘Sold.’

Absinthe Eve handed me the pill, then pulled her hand back at the last second.

My jaw dropped. Why would she change her mind?

‘Governor and US Senator!’ She demanded.

‘No can do,’ I replied, ‘Open Container speedWay has endorsed R2D2 for that seat — I’m obligated to vote for him. It’d be Irresponsible of me not to.’

‘No Senate, no morphine.’ She insisted.

‘How ’bout Lieutenant governor?’ I proffered.

‘What the fuck is a Lieutenant Governor??’

‘Never mind,’ I said.

Stupid foriegners.

‘Alright,’ I relented, ‘I give you my US House vote, too.’

Sorry Martha Rainville.

Crush crush.

Toot toot.

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2 Responses to “Last Minute Election Notes”


  1. 1 pippi November 7, 2006 at 4:56 pm

    absintheve saves the day!!!!

    martha never did run nakey down my dirt road.

  2. 2 absintheve November 7, 2006 at 7:55 pm

    So is that what us “foriegner’s”have to do….to get a voice…..the american way….we give them our drugs for a fraction of the rights they have….As a legal alien i have to pay taxes…TO THE MAN AND NOW U!!!..BUT WE CANT VOTE ON WHERE OUR TAX MONEY GOES!!…tell that to all those dAMN WILLY WONKIN WANKERS in THE OVAL OFFICE that cannot REMEMBER that “they” once were immigrants or WERE NOT FROM HERE TO…. OR AT LEAST AT SOME POINT IN THEIR HISTORIES THEY WERE ALL IMMIGRANTS….hell they REMEMBER who sold them METH…..or a MOFO

    (in your case)hEY IF MOST YANKEES HAD YOUR ATTITUDE ….THE U.S.wouldnt be building THE WALL at the borders……I applaud you for your faith in me even if I am an alien…..BECAUSE AND SO ARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha Ha….SORRY CHARLIE BROWN ….OH AND BY THE WAY U CANNOT HAVE ANOTHER….AND I AM NOT WRITING A NOVEL!!!!!!!!!LOVE LUCY


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