It has been a real pain in the ass to write lately.

As my regular readers — and friends from around town who happen by the speedWay — know, I’m shall we say temporarily between homes. This entire blog is composed (on my own laptop — thanks mom), variously, at coffee shops, bars, late at night in the 24-hour computer lab at a nearby college…wherever I can thumb a free lift for a few hours on a loose wifi signal.

The Gonzo Fantasy piece, for example, was finished and posted on battery power between 7 & 9 AM from the stoop in front of the Weathervane bar.

I’ve written 75 posts that way — a damn fine accomplishment if you ask me.

But the whole shenanigan has lost some luster lately. Not the blog — certainly not my readers! — or the writing act itself. Being homeless, though. It’s gotten to be hard on me.

It’s preposterously stressful. More precisely put:

It sucks donkey balls.

Well, one might ask — then Why Don’t I Do Something About It??

Anyone who asks that very likely has never been homeless for a stretch of time. Most everyone hasn’t. So if you wonder, I respectfully ask you:

Precisely what do you propose?

First off, a bit about the reason I’m homeless — which I’ve been chronically, off & on, my whole adult life…

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I’ve talked about it a bit in some previous posts. Homelessness is a classic symptom of PTSD. Unfortunately having a home is no cure, as I’ve learned the hard way when I have lived somewhere.

Another symptom of PTSD is a lack of awareness of being struck with the disorder. For years I assumed my Problem — among other things — was homelessness itself. But it’s not. So, when I have lived somewhere — before I knew about PTSD — inevitably something else would go Wrong. And the stress I once associated with homelessness would merely be transferred to a different, equally maddening Problem.

Ususally a broken car, lost job or some other Factor which would contribute heavily thenceforth to my inability to pay rent. And soon enough I’ll be homeless again.

So goes the insidious, oft-cruel nature of PTSD.

But…why does Mike E have PTSD? That’s a fair question. Not sure if everyone will be comfortable with the answer; but then I’m not precisely comfortable reading Ishtar’s first-hand accounts of the daily viciousness in Iraq. The viciousness bothers me. But I read them anyway because Ishtar writes them well and I want to Know.

I had pedophiles in the family.

What can I say?

It happens. And it fucks life up for people.

And it’s important for me to say so. Same way it’s important for people to know how fucked up everything is in the Congo or Darfur. It’s essential that I write about it tonight, too — because as I said it has been a real pain in the ass for me to write at all lately.

Reason for that is on account of being homeless. It drains me. Makes it hard to come up with something to say…so I guess that’s the Story.

What can I do but write it?


4 Responses to “It has been a real pain in the ass to write lately.”

  1. 1 jayherron October 23, 2006 at 7:02 am

    It takes a strong person to take a past like ours and write about it. The longer you write it and the longer you tell it and the longer you spend the energy to purge it you will grow…I KNOW its a bitch-trust me…thanks for being so brave my friend -the more aware WE make the rest of the world the more what we do is good…telling our stories must be done-we are an army of special folk.

  2. 2 Leroy Skalstad October 29, 2006 at 12:50 am

    Formerly homeless myself with the PTSD factor. Amazes me in retrospect how the VA jerked me around while I was freezing my ass off here on the streets of Milwaukee. These days I have a small quiet apartment that I can retreat to. Besides being a safe haven for my condition, I never take for granted having access to hot water and a warm bed. I still think about the others still out there, Cant help it. Buying a cup of coffee and a sandwitch at the local Dunkin Donuts or taking out blankets is just natural. The URL is that of my friend Mike who goes by the street nick “Canada” He is still on the streets, Very independant, He refuses help from others. A talentd charcoal artist, He has sketched me and has given me permission to photograph him.

  3. 3 Mike E October 29, 2006 at 12:53 am

    Thanks Leroy, I’ll check that out.

    Best Luck,

    Mike E

  1. 1 Someone has to do it « Galloway Trackback on October 30, 2006 at 7:44 pm

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