If I had a dollar for every year of Galloway’s life I’d be a GAZILLIONARE!

When I read that blog, I was thunderstruck. Personally, I don’t
know how anyone could advocate drinking and driving – not matter the
circumstances…
–My Mom

My mom isn’t alone; most often, the stuff I swear is raw spleen-split hilarity gets me the classic ‘I’m embarrassed for you because that is SO not funny’ stare. I learned many posts ago to go on & delete anything that erupts me into double-hunch gas blasts of laughter. The kind of thing that would rudely startle even the mighty Galloway.

Which ain’t easy. Mainly because Galloway — best new friend I’ve made in years btw — turns a gazillion years old today! Happy gazillionth birthday G! For those who don’t know: Galloway is the Cool Blogger Across The Street. Posted some first-rate Fiction recently. Check it out Big Time.

You see some Shit in a gazillion years. All kinds. So what does it take to startle a gazillion-year-old? A gazillion dollars cash I bet would startle him into a happy-fit tizzy. And I bet my very funniest bits could startle him noxious. If I went on & published them…

Can’t do. Don’t dare.

I don’t aim to offend. It’ll happen though…and when it does the offended party can Fuck Off & never come back. Or preferably leave instructions in the comment box for me to do the same…

Huh. Tell someone to zark off from their own blog — now that’d be an Act of Class.

‘You heard that right there blog-boy! Why don’t you do the world a favor & just DELETE this lousy online crap-sack??’
That’s Free Speech for ya, umK? Reader Beware!

But I never wanted to offend my poor mother. Which, I point out, is precisely Why my blog’s url was kept mercifully secret from her.

Well she found it in her own sneaky way — and I realized: if my Mom wants to hang around this crappy joint that’s cooler than SuperCool with me.

So I sent her this email to Clarify my stance of unabashed support re: drunk driving.

Mom — the drinking & driving skits are a Joke.

In 2003 there were 50,000 handgun deaths in America. But only 30,000 drunk driving related fatalities. At cursory glance the evidence suggests handguns are more dangerous than drunks behind the wheel.

Yet the gunslingers have a powerful mega-lobby which deliberately misconstrues the 2nd Amendment; we have local militias armed to the teeth already; as per their constitutional guarantee. Unfortunately they’re all in Iraq — sucks for us when Shit Happens (sunken cities etc) and we need them.

But that’s another story. The point here is if the gunslingers are so well represented well hadn’t the drunks oughta be too?

Now I’m no constitutional scholar. Just another smart-ass American with a loose interpretation of the Equal Protection clause — and a sui generis Zeal for my own damn Freedom of Speech.

I propose we turn more drunks loose to run wild on the road. I know you disagree. Yeah — well I say Get With the Program! Oppose drunk driving?? Mom — that’s just so o pre 9-11.

Think about it: odds are eventually one will collide with a terrorist on their way to car-bomb a Sunday School.

ATTACK THWARTED!!

Support Your Local Drunk Driver I Say!!

It’s the least we can do for the Children.

Meanwhile…anti drunk driving laws are no better than a blatant rip off. A cash cow for cops. Who have if not personal then surely an institutionally vested interest in keeping drunks on the road. Shit — repeat offenders are where the Big Money is!

Hope this clears things up a bit.

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4 Responses to “If I had a dollar for every year of Galloway’s life I’d be a GAZILLIONARE!”


  1. 1 John October 1, 2006 at 8:53 am

    Hey you might want to know that cell phones cause more accidents than drunk drivers in the US and it’s illegal to use one while driving in the U. S. Virgin Islands. On the other hand drinking and driving is not illegal (No harm no foul). Drunk driving is illegal (BA =0.08)- go figure.

  2. 2 galloway October 1, 2006 at 11:36 am

    My mother lives in Spain. She can’t use a computer or a cell-phone and I don’t drive.

    The world is safe.

    Thans for the BD wishes, E.

    By the way, have you done that work I set you?

  3. 3 Mom October 13, 2006 at 9:40 pm

    Sorry. I still don’t agree. Whether it’s a gunslinger, a plane-toting terrorist, a hunter who can’t tell a bird from a friend, a drunk driver of a boat or a drunk driver of a car, all pose threats to the human condition – namely life (and if you want to get really maudlin, liberty and the pursuit of happiness). As far as I’m concerned, anything, anyone or any happenstance that wantonly takes a human life is not funny. It’s horriffic.

    Love,
    Mom

  4. 4 Mom October 13, 2006 at 9:45 pm

    BTW, there was nothing the least bit “sneaky” about my finding your blog. I simply clicked on the links in the one you sent me, surfed around a bit out of curiosity’s sake and there you were. I ask you, bloggers, was that “sneaky”? Isn’t it more like Mike e dude wanted me to find his blog??!!

    Shalom,

    Mike e’s MOM A/K/A Ellie B (Ok, I just made up the name – but it rhymes with Mike e!! Such trivial claptrap!)


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