Mom-proof blog-post Goes Astray

A question for my readers:

If you had a blog like Open Container speedWay would you give your mother the address?

I think not. For her own Good…She’s on my side. Shit she bought me my lap-top! And she knows my plight. But she surely needn’t learn the garish details.

Consider: my mother was last employed as the pastor for two Methodist parishes in central Maine.

Does she really need to know her son is a close relative to the good-time Devil himself??

My answer to the mom quandary has been to cut paste & email her when occasionally I deem a post mom-proof. Like my last — poet without equal. One swear the whole way through and not a single drug reference. No gratutitous bigotry. Came off I’d say fuck-near respectably…

So I emailed it to her — Subject: Mom-Proof Blogpost. Spliced in a few links because I wanted her to see what kind of cool folks I’ve met hanging around & blogging.

Oopsie.

Here verbatim is the resultant IM volley between Mom & me…

Mom: I have a confession to make.

me: confession??

Mom: Yeah! I found your blog.

me: ARG!!

Mom: Why ARG!!

me: Are you sure you want to read it??

Mom: Yes! and I was pretty impressed by what I did read. However, if you prefer I not read it, I won’t. I probably shouldn’t have looked for it without asking you but I did. I figured one of the links in the blog you sent would have a link to your blog, which is how I found it.

me: Like sneaking through the side-door at a Phish show!! ..how long ago?

Mom: Last night!

me: You know when I added those links I figured you’d be maybe able to find me.

Mom: So it’s ok?

me: I’ll make a cup of tea & ponder for a moment…

Mom: Aslan [my nephew/mom’s grandson] is home sick today – strep throat – and I think I’m coming down with it too. Yuck!

me: yeah everyones got the Yuck around here tooo

Mom: BTW, your formatting in a blog email doesn’t come through. Looks much more better at your blog site. How about you? Do you have the yuck?
Aslan says Hi!

me: Hi aslan!!

Mom: Anyway, if you don’t want me to read it, I won’t.
Aslan wants me to tell you we’re watching Monty Python. Do you like his stuff?

me: Me, no havey the Yuck — if I had the time & space I might come down w/something…probably enjoy it w/my own bed & a kitchen to make soup
Love monty python. Barrel of laughs

Mom: We’re about to watch the tale of Sir Lancelot. Actually, I’m not really watching it; just tuning in.

Mom: U still there?

me: yeah someone just stopped by,
Get this: my friend who just stopped by has a few hours of work for me so I’m off to do that! I’m going to help him demolish a house. Actual work…for MONEY!!

Mom: That’ll be cool! Great release too! Where are you now?

me: KC’s

Mom: I have to admit, I was awfully distressed to read that you’re going for days at a time without sleep.

me: As far as my blog goes mom…I’d love for you to read it BUT…there’s stuff on there YOU may not want to read

Mom: I love reading what you’ve written. And I fully expected I might read things you hadn’t told me.

me: On the other hand I’m proud of my blog more than anything for its honesty…my main concern about you reading it — besides making you old before your time — is that I’d feel the need to censor myself.

Mom: Due to “eavesdropping?”

me: Yeah — almost like you being right there next to me at the party I described in an earlier post where I threw my adderall up after eating LSD…that sort of thing.
Ok I’ll let you digest that. I’m off to tear a house down.

Well. One thing I learned: I will not censor my blog for my mother’s benefit. Any more than she would Praise Shrooms for my benefit when I’d go to her church sermons.

Speaking of psilocybin mushrooms — if you’re still here, Mom, I’d love for you to pop in on this post I wrote a while back. Like the folks in the described study, shrooms have been cosmically good to me.

I’ve mentioned that before. But one thing I’ve never told my Mom is:

Psilocybin mushrooms may prove miraculously beneficial to you too. Give it a prayer & some well informed thought!

Well. Mom. Hunter S. Thompson once said “You Buy the Ticket. You Take the Ride.” I think he meant things like when you sneak onto your son’s blog & next thing you know you’re praying to Jesus about whether or not to try Shrooms!

Oh & one other thing Mom: I love you. Leave a comment if you like & please stop by anytime…

Some speedWay regulars may be in shock over what they’ve just read. Not about my mom or anything. But because of the bit about me going to Work!

I shit you not — happened just like I said.

What can I say? There’s a house to be torn down. And my friend wanted to pay me to help do it. So I did. Pulled nails out of boards mostly. Worked a full-on 3 hour day!

Call me Demolition Mike E.

Praise Sweet Mother Earth for the bucket-loads of rain that make it so I can’t work today!

At long last — a hard-earned break from the daily grind. I should celebrate!

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9 Responses to “Mom-proof blog-post Goes Astray”


  1. 1 durwood September 29, 2006 at 3:31 pm

    hey mikeeee,

    yo, the mutha is every thing! the mother is all!

    I say, congratulations.

    coldn’t happen to nicer guy.

    the truth is the truth.

    talent is talent.

    let her keep reading.

    cheers!!!!

  2. 2 Mike E September 29, 2006 at 4:03 pm

    Thanks Durwood — I’ll let her know you think so!

  3. 3 John September 29, 2006 at 5:40 pm

    I wish my son was as kool as your mom, He’s the successful corporate exec type and I’m the aging slacker fighting to maintain the fountain of youth. My gonzo journal chronicals my life quest for a normal body after I became too fat for sex. I think his words included pervert, disgusting and TMI. Oh well life is still sweet when your old with money.

  4. 4 pippi September 29, 2006 at 7:19 pm

    wow, that went much better than i had imagained when you mentioned it.
    then again, i’m hallucinating.

    glad moms has a grip, unlike mine would, if i were blogging in teh OCsW stylee.

    hope you are hvin fun tearin the roof off the motha.

    XO!

  5. 5 Alan September 29, 2006 at 8:13 pm

    she may be down with the shrooms, but i feel she hasn’t yet happened upon the degenerate gambling problem.

  6. 6 Mike E September 29, 2006 at 8:31 pm

    Well…I’ve learned as much from racehorses as I have from mushrooms Alan. And that, folks who know me well should figure, says Something about the Ponies.

    Oh, and…Since we’re trying to turn the youth On to the race game — I feel compelled to point out that degenerate gambling is Cool!

    re races vs. shrooms: Now I don’t think my poor Mom’s so down with either. What I count on is her sense of Humor…

    Nice to see you Alan! Drop me a email when you’ve time to give me Just Zip It’s scoop!

  7. 7 david wang October 4, 2006 at 4:52 pm

    Hi mom
    If you are out there, hope you doing well. I got one thing to say “Mammy tobin is all heart , she’s always there”. Yo tobbs who you working for these days? Good to be Back on the speedway, you’ve been busy. Catch you later.

  8. 8 Leighton Cooke October 5, 2006 at 9:54 am

    Nor would she probably turn over the cow paddies to search for the shrooms either. But a Sense of Humour is cool.

  9. 9 Mike E October 7, 2006 at 7:57 am

    david wang: thanks for the kind words about my Mammy! Word to your own…

    Leighton: No. My mother probably won’t turn over piles of cow dung looking for shrooms to eat. HA!! Well that’s more for you & me….


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