3 partially dissolved floating blue dots

I don’t puke often.

Once — in New Orleans — I hurled from too much alcohol. I threw up at my first Grateful Dead concert, back in 1985, I think because I’d never smoked such intensely potent pot before. Of course there’s the wooHOO! pukes 45 minutes or so after eating ecstasy — but that’s when the pukinz rule.

I was at a party Friday night. Sitting on the couch talking to a friend about the first time she took mushrooms. With her best friend on top of some mountain. They ate the shrooms. Ten minutes later her friend threw up. It sucks when that happens because 10 minutes isn’t long enough for the shrooms to make their way into the brain.

What can you do?

I didn’t want to think too hard on it. I’d eaten a little LSD — a drug I may be too old for — maybe an hour earlier and felt a touch queasy ever since.

So I popped my last 3 speed pills — 10 milligram Adderalls, the blue ones — hoping they’d calm my tummy down. And sat on the couch with my friend Andrea. She started to tell me the story about the first time she ate shrooms. Wonderful. A good story like that always makes me feel better…

…Until she got to the part where her friend puked up all the shrooms.

My tummy gurgled.

I don’t puke often. So I really don’t know the early warning signs. I felt a bit queasy, as I said. And when she started to talk about puke my tummy gurgled. Naturally. Why wouldn’t it?

Only thing is I figured it didn’t have anything to do with me puking right that second specifically.

Andrea kept telling her story.

They were on top of some mountain, her & her best friend, just the two of them eating mushrooms for the first time. And Andrea’s best friend threw the shrooms up into a pile on the ground. By then Andrea’s shrooms were already finding their way into her brain. Faced with the unhappy prospect of tripping alone Andrea did the only thing that made sense:

She made her friend pluck the shrooms out of the puke-pile and eat them again.

Now that’s a great story about the first time eating shrooms. Unless you were me listening to it right then.

My tummy gurgled lurched & before I realized what was happening I wretched violently. Cusped my hand over my mouth & raced for the nearby & (happily) empty bathroom. Swung my head over the toilet just in time. Emptied the contentents of my dinner into the bowl.

‘Dang.’ I thought. And I was so proud of myself for managing to eat that hot dog before I went off to party…

Oh well. At least I felt better. And — as the squiggle-colored lines dancing to & fro in front of my eyes could attest — at least I’d managed more-or-less to digest the LSD.

I cleaned myself off. Hallucionated a little more. And right about then hoped the speed I’d recently eaten would kick in soon. For familiarity’s sake; I’d not eaten acid for some time and knew the amphetamines would keep my brain-rails grounded in familiar psyhchic terrain.

Yeah but then wouldn’t you know it? As I reached over to flush, a quick glance into the toilet bowl revealed the last thing I wanted to see:

Three partially dissolved little blue dots floating there and — I know I was tripping and all but I’ll be damned if those evil fuckers weren’t laughing at me!


7 Responses to “3 partially dissolved floating blue dots”

  1. 1 jeannie49 September 19, 2006 at 6:16 pm

    If this is a true story, you are in a world of hurt. Is life so unbearable that you can’t function without drugs? I’m sorry.

  2. 2 durwood September 19, 2006 at 6:19 pm

    Soo glad you din’t recycle like andrea’s pal.

    nice one.


  3. 3 durwood September 19, 2006 at 6:23 pm

    Jeannie–like wow thats so original,I’ve never heard that before. where id you pick that up???

  4. 4 Mike E September 19, 2006 at 6:32 pm


    If life is so unbearable for you that you can’t function w/out leaving ignorant comments about someone else’s ‘world of hurt’ I’m sorry.

    Just took a quick look at your site & besides that I might have liked you…

  5. 5 velmalikevelvet September 20, 2006 at 1:29 pm

    dude, that was fucking hilarious. *totally* thought you’d fish ’em out, too. since you didn’t, you must be maturing – gasp! – i used the ‘m’ word!! i liked your freudian typo, tho: “psyhchic”. you’re really a girl, aren’t you? 😉 cheers!

  6. 6 jeannie49 September 20, 2006 at 4:09 pm

    Actually I am in favor of all drugs being legal, expecially the mind expanding ones, (although I don’t think I would use them all that much- maybe a little) Personally, I just enjoy life and I would lilke to be conscious for the most part, but that’s just me. (I am a baby boomer from the hippie generation and I got tired of the spaced out crowd of the 1960’s.) But hey, I will defend your right to get wasted until your final breath if that is what you want. What ever makes you happy, do it. I believe in complete freedom and total responsibility.

  7. 7 olivia August 8, 2007 at 11:45 pm

    ahhaa damn it sucks when u puke on mushrooms!! i ate an eighth and i had just started to trip, and i was tripping hardd because i couldnt stop closing my eyes and everytime i did i kept hallucinating bright flashing rainbow colors moving in sequence. I don’t remember this but i ended up in my friends bathroom and i puked all over the floor, all i remember is the slow motion of the puke coming out of my mouth and actually hallucinating cartoon shrooms flying out of my mouth as i was puking. a couple minutes later i was sitting on the bathroom floor completlely sober with my ex asking me “do you remember why you puked?”

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