Connecticut Jerkoffs go to Polls; Brighten America’s day.

‘Hey Mike E’ someone asked me on the street, ‘What’ve you been Up To?’

‘Same old you know,’ I replied cheerfully, ‘Jerkin off & shootin up & bitchin about the Government.’

It don’t keep me Busy but it keeps me unemployed.

Yep. Unemployed. You know some highly influential Americans have been unemployed. Like Joe Lieberman.

Here in Vermont we pray for God to flick the state of New Hampshire off the face of the Earth like a booger.

We think barely more highly of Connecticut. Too pretentious to be Massholes. Too pansy-ass to live in Brooklyn. Home to America’s most vocally self-described Centrist senator; the way Joe Liberman yelped & squaked at Howard Dean during the run-up to NH & Iowa in ’04 reminded me of a football-sized canine-like creature who insatitably begs to get Kicked.

Joe Lieberman is a lot like a drop-kick dog who you were oddly elated to learn got finally Punted through a toilet hoop.

Denied his unassailable slot on the Democrat ticket, Joe threatens to run as an Independent. Which would be like a dog who’s been drop-kicked through a hoop now requesting to be tied with string to a teather-ball pole. Tempting. But for what? Such dogs are drop-kicked out of loathing. Not because it’s Fun. You want them to learn a Lesson. To not so mercilessly annoy. But when they come back for more you see they’ll never Act Right.

Poor Joe.

I say I’m pleased as a bubbling crack pipe to learn Liberman was humiliated at the polls. I think what people in Connecticut did is Awesome. I think maybe you guys are a little better than the Massholes.

But I don’t want to see it again in November any more than I want to see any Connecticut gweedos in Vermont on Vacation again. Ever. None of Yooz.

If Liberman continues with his Independent-bid lunacy I say we send Ralph Nader around with a ice cold whoop ass can to open in his dumb-lookin face.

Maybe I hope he does run as an Independent. I bet money he scores single-digit returns. I pay 2 to 1 if he breaks 11%. I’ll take 2 to 1 that he tallies under 5.

All it is this: A candidate who represented the electorate’s will snuck into contention & won. Lamant beat a system rigged against him; proved verifiably to us all that the system can be beat. For participants it was a Hoot. Imagine that. When was the last time you walked out from the Voting Booth & said hot damnsoCOOL!

The Guardian says Power to the People. I say Right On.

People were getting involved in a new kind of politics: one that included them. Astonishingly, as Lamont’s candidacy grew, so did the voter rolls; over 30,000 people registered as new Democrats so they could vote in the party primary. Lamont’s message of change, combined with the rising tide of this new people-powered politics, took Lieberman’s strengths – incumbency, endorsements, and money – and turned them against him.”

My only regret is I bet no money on Lamont. Plus he hasn’t a blithery clue how to bring about Peace.

I do. What can I say? I’m spectacularly fucking brilliant.

Peace is a Hot Ticket at the polls. Everybody wants some. Produce candidates who verifiably & proactively favor Peace. Ask them:

Will you support the involuntary induction into a National Service of every American between 18-25? Inductees shall be specially trained in misery eradication; at completion of basic training will transport among cohorts to a place in the world where help is needed. It will be a World Work Party. The Build a Block Party will put the United Stated back on the Rock & Roll map. It’ll be expensive. But the 1 wealthiest % of Americans can afford it; it’ll be by & large their treat.

Yeah — and let’s have the Boot[ie] Camp in New Orleans.

Win the battle for Hearts & Minds & America wins the Terror War. Had our Build a Block Party rolled into Iraq even a year ago — who knows? Those kids surely by now would have the mind & heart of America, at very least, won.

I propose a technique for America’s people to make peace with ourselves. Show Planet Earth we care. And turn the youth loose in a world they otherwise may never see.

Plus pick up chicks & get drunk in weird places. Better still — they’re paid fair wages to do it.

They’ll jump at the chance. If not we Draft the bastages. For their own good — they’ll see

But most Kids want to. According to a 2002 circle.org poll: 81% favor a year of national or community service to earn money toward college or advanced training; 61% would favor a new draft that gives people a choice between civilian or military service.

That’s 2 of 3 young Americans who wanna peel around planet Earth to make things better for everyone.

Hadn’t we oughta help ’em?

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3 Responses to “Connecticut Jerkoffs go to Polls; Brighten America’s day.”


  1. 1 pippi August 12, 2006 at 11:08 pm

    “baxter, is that you, baxter!”

    all i can picture is jack black punting leberman off a bridge.
    ha.

  2. 2 Mike E August 13, 2006 at 6:55 am

    soon after I posted I realized any old hoop won’t do. Which is why we now drop-kick the senator through a toilet hoop.

    never heard of one either but it’s poetry

  3. 3 pippi August 18, 2006 at 5:22 pm

    humm, a toliet hoop. it is poetry.
    but i wonder how this differs from your good old fashoined toilet seat. ? perhaps, just perhaps, a “toilet hoop” is what they called toilet seats in outhouses/shitters, back in the day & they decided to church it up a little bit, and went with ‘toilet seat’.. (you know like a toothbrush & toothpaste are now known as “oral hygine systems”)
    fitting since, in my minds eye (or nose) the senator smells ‘outhouse-y’


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