R2D2 for US Senate: an endorsement.

Hang on to your Open Containers boys & girls ~ this is the part of Mike E’s blog where we Bitch About The Government!!

We-HEEE!!

This one time I was at a music festival. I forget which – WhateverVille or some such. Anyway I walked up to a campfire. Around it were twenty or so folks I didn’t know. But they were all a bunch of drug-heads & waistoids – god bless ‘em – so I pretty much knew what would happen when I yelled:

‘HEY – who here hates the Government??’

The crowd went riotously wild with cheer.

Like, YEAH!!! Fuck those douche-eatin Fucks in the stinking fuckin Government!

WooHoo!

Someone in the crowd gave me a high 5 & a cold beer. I walked away with that sense of a Job Well Done.

Irony is this was during the salad days of modern American politics — that long gone Golden Era of Clinton Years. Smart people don’t say things like that about the Government anymore — even in private. There are Ears everywhere…

…some days I’m so paranoid I think I might be a Cop. Or even a Republican.

Strange days indeed.

I voted Republican once — for Jim Jeffords in 2000. It was a raw gut-shot choice. I did it because it Felt Right. It was the smartest vote I ever made.

Jim Jeffords, many recall, quit the Republican Party shortly thereafter; a move that spoon fed US Senate leadership to the Democratic party.

‘I became a Republican,’ Jeffords explained, ‘Not because I was born into the party, but because of the kind of fundamental principles many Republicans stood for: moderation; tolerance; fiscal responsibility. Their party — our party — was the party of Lincoln.

To be sure, we had our differences in the Vermont Republican Party, but even our more conservative leaders were in many ways progressive.’

Can dig that shit. If more Republicans were heroes like Jim Jeffords & Abe Lincoln I might damn well be one — and I bet money many of my friends would too.

But today’s Republican bears no resemblence to the ideal Jeffords described. So on a sunny day in May 2001 he proclaimed:

‘In order to best represent my state of Vermont, my own conscience and principles I have stood for my whole life, I will leave the Republican Party and become an Independent.’

The crowd went wild. There was music in the cafes at night. A local brewery named a beer — Jumpin’ Jim lager — in his honor. Revolution was in the air.

In short, it was a glorious day to be a Vermonter.

It was also the beginning of some painfully Dark Days in America & on all Planet Earth. George W. Bush had recently assumed his court-appointed role of Presidency; the result of an obviously stolen election — but nobody seemed to care. To add insult to already grievous injury, Republicans held majorities in both the Senate & US House.

Jim Jeffords saw an opportunity to restore Balance & pounced. It was a powerful answer to a question which, at the time, merely vexed Americans; a question we’ve since grown to Fear:

Who has the Power?

Now we know. The Power is not within the Electorate. Not even in Vermont.

Fast-forward 5 years:

All kinds of fucked up shit happened.

I bitch about the government for Fun. I blame all my problems on the Government because it’s Handy. But there is nothing Fun or Handy about having George W. Bush for President.

He has done Wrong in ways I can’t describe.

Which is why Vermont has voted resoundingly to instruct local hero Bernie Sanders — our lone US Rep (I-VT) & heir appearant to Jeffords’ senate seat — to go on & Impeach the President. Or at very least use the platform of his Senate Campaign to usher the debate onto the national media stage.

Impeach the President?? EXCELLENT!!!

No way, said Bernie.

‘Impeachment,’ he informed us, ‘Would be Impractical at this time.’

Bogus.

We don’t pay Bernie Sanders his handsome congressional salary to be Practical. We pay him to do the Impossible.

That’s what Bernies are supposed to.

When Luke, Han & Princess Lea instructed R2D2 to cut the power to the Death Star’s trash compactor — to save them from being Squished — did the Droid whine about the ‘practicality’ of the request?

Did he lecture them about Political Reality?

Bernie Sanders does not deserve Jim Jeffords’ senate seat. That seat belongs to a Hero. And Berine, sadly, is no hero. He lost my vote and he will not win it back.

We deserve a candidate who will reach his handy-dandy droid arm into the Death Star’s main computer to deactivate whatever nuisance imperils his comarades.

In this case, the nuisance is the President. The comarades are the peaceful inhabitants of Planet Earth. And to deactivate the President, as per the voter’s instructions, we need someone to find some way to invoke the Impeachment Articles. Give our so-called President the Fair Trial which is his constitutional Due.

R2D2 was asked at a recent press conference for his thoughts on George W.

‘Yo fuck that dumb honky slut!’ R-2 replied through an interpreter. ‘Vote for me and I’ll headbutt his nuts!!’

The droid gets my enthusiastic Open Container speedWay endorsement.

Vote 4 R-2!!

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