Cookie jars, drug funnels & the Hand of God

Ever wish the human body consisted of nothing but a floating brain? Attached to a funnel, which the nearby Hand of God scoups gigantic piles of drugs into.

Yeah — me too.

What could be better? Not much. Only being the Hand of God itself. Shit Yes! Why pay extra? Bypass the Middle-Man…

I write to make myself laugh. There’s other reasons. But when I bust myself into a chuckle — wield humor as a Surival tool — I Win.

Jerry Garcia once pointed out that he had no way to know what it was like to be in the crowd at a Grateful Dead concert. Weird. I bet sometimes he thought everyone who saw the Dead, a hundred nights in a row — he at least once must have felt certain that every one of them thought he totally sucked.

The shit I write to make myself laugh, anyone who reads it I bet money thinks it sucks, too. Just like Jerry. I say that because it’s hard some days. My self-worth is wrapped completely through these words I write. I try to tell myself it doesn’t matter, what anyone thinks. If you write, or do any art, you probably try to convince yourself it doesn’t matter, too.

I say this: I would rather have no one read, than have a reader whose opinion I value read and walk away unnafected. I mean, if my shit blows like donkey balls, hey — at least it does something.

At least it makes me laugh out loud.

If you ask me, your visit to the Open Container speedWay speaks highly of you. If you’ve read this far, well you got smashing good taste! Truth told, when I finally peal my eyeballs loose from my lap-top screen, at the end of a 30-hour day, as far as I am concerned I got the best damn blog on the Internet.

Better than a drug-filled Cookie Jar with Free Refills — unless they’re growing on trees.

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5 Responses to “Cookie jars, drug funnels & the Hand of God”


  1. 1 MG Fulltank June 27, 2006 at 1:16 am

    Who the fuck is Bill Hicks anyway? Is he, like, your connection or something? All I know is that my cookie jar has been refilled 3 times in the last week. I’ve had cookies coming at me from all sides and what a food fight it’s turned into. So tell Bill Hicks that if he is running low I can hook him up. But who the hell is this dude? And does he want to buy some cookies?

  2. 2 Mike E June 27, 2006 at 1:24 am

    Yeah — they might wake him from the dead!

    click where it says play, and he WILL wake from the dead.

    If you really want to know who he is.

  3. 3 galloway July 4, 2006 at 6:27 am

    How the fuck can anyone, especially an American, not know who Bill Hicks was?

    By the way, have you ever heard of a similarly veined 60s comic called Murray Roman?

  4. 4 rhea December 14, 2007 at 11:54 am

    I never specifically wished that about the human body…but I see your point. Maybe that’s what heaven is like? We leave our bodies behind and become just a brain that’s eternally fed by the Hand of God, who benevolently showers us with anything we ask for. If we ask for copious amounts of drugs, He will deliver. No more stomach or liver or other organs to greedily subtract an unfair portion of the drugs that pass through our bodies. Just immediate, miraculous, brainy delivery…?

    I’m quite fond of your blog. You write in the vein of our esteemed sage, Hunter S. Thompson. You deliver an all-around absorbing ‘container’ that deserves mention for its content, wit, and presentation. I’m new to the blogging shindig, but it’s the best I’ve seen. I always look forward to it.


  1. 1 new york board of physical therapy Trackback on July 18, 2006 at 4:57 am

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