War on Sobriety: episode 1

I got a big bag of shrooms
& a wookie!

go to the School of
Hard Knocks
but tonight I’m playing

Like Ferris Bueller
Though my Day Off is cooler.
‘Cause Bueller is a Low Rent Rookie
& a loser.

Seriously — they drank no booze in that movie. So here this dude steals a car…then drives around sober?!


Roonie Humper!

There oughta be a Law!!

‘BOY!!’ Screams the New Sherriff in Town. His blood percolates angrily, until tizzy hiss-red veins pop out pickle-thick from his temples. Then he asks:

‘WHERE is your Open CONTAINER?!!!’

Zero Tolerance, turned on its head. Which is the polite way to say we cram the Drug War so far up Captain Buzzkill’s ass it gets him higher than the rocket’s Red Glare. And he’ll like it. He’ll see the light; and join our crusade to rid the world of anally retentive sober boobs.


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