I had to literally count with my fingers to figure out how old I turned today.
38 or 39? Plumb could not recall.
Like, lemme see. I was born in 1971. So. ‘71 to ‘81 is 10 years. ‘81 to ‘91 is 20. Turned 30 in 2001. Right? Double-check. ‘71, ‘81, ‘91. Right! 10, 20, 30. Now the tricky part.
Turned 31 in 2002. 32 in ‘03. OK. But wait! I thought to myself. Took a moment to reminisce about birthdays past. I was homeless — not unusually — on my 30th birthday. That particular winter I actually lived in the restaurant where I also occasionally washed dishes.
Why not? The beer was free after all the other employees went home. And the fact is that dishwashers never get fired — even when the dishwasher has to sleep in the restaurant because he has nowhere else to go.
Even when the dishwashers, after a long night of drug use, emerge into the restaurant’s dining room on Sunday morning & literally scare away the Brunch Customers — even then they don’t fire the dishwasher. Because if they do then someone else will have to wash the dishes — and no one else wants to.
Oh shit hold on. I lost count. Turned 20 in ‘91. 30 in ‘01. 31 in ‘02. 32 in ‘03. Etc & so on.
Well you get the idea — I’m too old to care how old I really am. But I always get curious, with regards to the current tally, around my birthday — and today I was pleasantly surprised to realize that I’m only 38.
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