We Should Get A Blue Ribbon

I swear where I live may — in the electoral map sense — be the solidly tried & true bluest county in America. There are more George W. Bush supporters in the caves of Tora Bora & the streets of Falujah than here in Windham County, VT.

Remember 911? Not the attacks specifically but the atmosphere. Afterwards. Like all of the sudden we were supposed to stop bitching viciously about the Government. At least in public. Was it like that where you live? Did you think it was weird about how a suicide bomber troubled to check his bag into the luggage bay of the plane he meant to blow up? I sure did.

But how much time passed after 911 before you dared to strike up a conversation about the Koran they found in that oddly checked bag which the airline conveniently forgot to put on the plane? I mean mouth off about it to drunken strangers.

My guess is some months, or a year, passed before conspiracy theories thread even tentatively into beer chats with strangers at your local bar.

Not mine.

I watched the World Trade Center attacks on the TV at the Bar here in Vermont. Happened to be there enjoying some beer that morning. I was as shocked as anyone when the plane slammed dramatically into the second building. Goodness gracious great ball of fire!

I couldn’t help but think to myself: Are they that evil??

Not the Arabs. Of course nobody knew it was them yet. Because they had yet to discover that copy of the Koran in the hijacker’s lost luggage. So we had no idea at that point that the terrorists were Arab.

My first thought — which I shared out loud with everyone at the Bar that morning — was:

Dick Cheney!

A few oddballs in the bar clearly — yet quietly, since they were uncomfortably in the minority — disagreed with the notion. After all America was under attack. And here I was suggesting we attacked ourselves? What kind of nation would do such a thing?

“Can’t you just picture him?” I conjectured. “I bet Dick Cheney flew those planes himself — with some kind of high tech remote control device.”

“Yeah — like an Atari joy-stick!” Someone suggested. Everyone laughed. Because Truth is the funniest joke of them all.

Then the first building fell down. That wasn’t funny. Still…I believe we were the first people in America to suspect a 911/Inside Job conspiracy.

think a little

John McCain was a bomber pilot in Vietnam. His plane was shot from the sky. He & his crew ejected & parachuted down behind enemy lines. They were captured by the Viet Cong & interred at the Hanoi Hilton.

In January 2000 John McCain won the New Hampshire primary. He was a genuine contender to run for president on the Republican ticket. Did you vote in your state’s ‘00 Republican primary? Me neither.

What a colossal blunder.

My friends: that was the time to beat George W. Bush. And we could have. Had all who feared a 2nd Bush presidency — and even then we were many — swelled strategically to support John McCain we could have scored him the nomination.

Consider:

McCain was a colonel when he was taken POW. An officer; which is a gig with fringe benefits. Like the one where McCain could have been exchanged — as per the Geneva Convention — for a similarly ranked Viet Cong officer who’d been captured by the Americans. Exchanged & turned loose from the cruel Hanoi Hilton confines. Released from a howling miserable captivity.

The Viet Cong made a bona fide attempt to release John McCain from captivity.

He could have soothed his soul with cold beer & a couple hookers that very evening.

Maybe he was already planning his run on the presidency. Who knows? Because what he did next sure looks good on the resume. He stayed with his men. Took the ride he bought the ticket for. 5 torturous years later the Vietnam War ended and Colonel McCain was released.

In my book that proves John McCain more fit than George W. Bush for the presidency.

Imagine. All we had to do to dodge the whole Bush/Cheney shit storm was turn out in relatively modest droves to vote for McCain in the 2000 Republican primary. Then come November vote as we please.

Golly did we ever drop the bong on that one!

Makes it hit home how our choices count tremendously.

Amongst the current crop of candidates there is some genuine good to choose from. But I tell you: there’s some real deal evil shit-chunk retards running for president in 2008. And **BIG SURPRISE!** they’re winning.

Smart folks like us best pay good attention. Now is our time. Our only time. Our only time is now.

That’s why I watched CNN until my ass literally fell off this week. Because I want to educate myself; to choose wisely. No big deal. About my ass that is. It’s a time of war so we all must make sacrifices. Besides if a Democrat wins there’ll be universal health car so I can get my ass surgically reattached for free!

Alrighty then. I’ve compiled for your perusal a sample of quotes from various candidates. Good candidates; mediocre ones; and of course…the evil shit-chunk retards.

Pop Quiz: can you guess who the retards are?

You know 18% of Americans [including the candidate...and me for that matter] say they’ve seen a UFO. I think that’s higher than George W. Bush’s approval rating!
>>Dennis in-it-to win it Kucinich

That’s a question for The Lawyers to answer.
>>Republican Mitt Romney, asked whether he as President would seek Congressional approval before going to war with Iran

I understand very well that people are not attacking me because I’m a woman. They’re attacking me because I’m ahead. As Harry Truman famously said: ‘If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.’ I feel very comfortable in the kitchen.
>>Hillary Clinton, when asked if she planned to play the Gender Card

As New York City’s mayor I cut crime, taxes AND the average annual snowfall by 50%.
>>Fuckface Guliani

Our campaign has so much money we can’t figure out how to spend it.
>>Anti-war Republican Ron Paul, whose maverick candidacy recently enjoyed a $4.2 million single-day contributor frenzy

My friends, this is what America is all about. This is a defining issue and clearly one we should be able, if we want to be commander in chief of the U.S. Armed Forces, to take a definite and positive position on. And that is we will never allow torture.
>>Senator John McCain

There’s going to be a day before each of us die, and you have to think a little bit about how you want that day filled.
>>Elizabeth Edwards